Adjustments
I came to a realization as I danced through the land mines that inevitably explode when you get family together for the holidays. I found myself adjusting my beliefs and attitudes depending on who I was talking to, and it disturbs me now because I realize, I should just be myself.
I'm sure that everyone has a relative that you KNOW, you just need to keep your mouth shut. You will ALWAYS offend them in some way. They will ALWAYS critisize you in some way. You will NEVER be right. They know EVERYTHING. And they are never, never, never in the slightest way hypocritical. Oh no, because that would just make everything they preach completely irrelevant. Do you know this person? Do you recognize them in your family? Do you have one too?
I have a completely different personality around these relatives. It is amazing what lengths you will go to preserve peace in your family. How you will almost bite your tongue off, how you will watch others squirm and be selfishly grateful that thank God, it's not you. How you will stand by uncomfortably and watch someone else endure a tirade without opening your mouth to save them. I will stand up for perfect strangers in public, but with family, you just keep your mouth shut. It's better that way. Because in the end, you LOVE these people. They are a part of you. If you ruin a perfect stranger's day, it doesn't really matter. If you ruin a relative's day, they will return the favor for the rest of your life....
I'm sure that everyone has a relative that you KNOW, you just need to keep your mouth shut. You will ALWAYS offend them in some way. They will ALWAYS critisize you in some way. You will NEVER be right. They know EVERYTHING. And they are never, never, never in the slightest way hypocritical. Oh no, because that would just make everything they preach completely irrelevant. Do you know this person? Do you recognize them in your family? Do you have one too?
I have a completely different personality around these relatives. It is amazing what lengths you will go to preserve peace in your family. How you will almost bite your tongue off, how you will watch others squirm and be selfishly grateful that thank God, it's not you. How you will stand by uncomfortably and watch someone else endure a tirade without opening your mouth to save them. I will stand up for perfect strangers in public, but with family, you just keep your mouth shut. It's better that way. Because in the end, you LOVE these people. They are a part of you. If you ruin a perfect stranger's day, it doesn't really matter. If you ruin a relative's day, they will return the favor for the rest of your life....
posted by Kristie at 12:31 PM
4 Comments:
Oh that is so true. I have family exactly like that. No matter what you want to say, or how you think you should help, you just bite your toungue. But oh.. if it's you... they would say something in a heartbeat.. and be ever so hypocritical!.. Family. can't live with them.. can't live without them!
I don't get it how a relative can say such ugly things to me and then be all nice a few months later.
I know what you are saying. My wife's family I have no qualm about speaking frankly although I have no reason to.
My family is like navigating the French mine fields of World War I.
~Jef
I've got some in-laws that are rabidly devout and take great pains to tell us how ungodly we are while they are living off welfare (for 15+ years) and sponging mightily off other relatives.
Uh, yeah, but we are not supposed to mention any of this as they berate us.
Oh, and they met in an exotic-dancing club. She was dancing, he was a patron. But we can't mention that one either.
Nor can we mention the $500 phone bills racked up to certain phone numbers (!) that other relatives had to pay.
I an the QUEEN of the "bite my tongue" club. All in the name of family peace.
My wife has a brother in law who feels the urge to take me on every year in a political debate. Of course the feeling is mutual. Both times he's come at, I've whooped his ass (figuratively speaking of course). She hates it so she gets mad and will put an end to it in a dramatic way. Needless to say she doesn't let us get in the same room. It's like holding a kid back who wants to fight someone "let me at em'!"
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